There are a number of versions of the story of how kundalini in the Hindu tradition is said to awaken and to rise. These are stories since the characters are merely that. There are no serpents, there are no people living inside and yet, this touches upon some ways, mirrors, for understanding. I know it will sound pedantic at first blush, but how we tell stories makes a difference in what we experience.
In one of the versions told, the kundalini is called kundalini Shakti. Shakti is the feminine force in the awakening. This is not just an assumption, but bears out in most awakening experiences regardless of ones familiarity with the eastern images used. She is said to be the raw force, in nature, and she begins in the root and slowly rises up to meet her consort Shiva in the crown. Here, Shiva resides in perfect splendor until his beloved can arrive. Here, in the crown of the head, the highest vibration within the physical organism, they can experience the height of what this union of their two essences, their energies can bring. It is bliss. No wonder it is felt as two lovers in an embrace.
I know that before I even knew that this was kundalini that I could feel these two energies moving in unison. I knew intuitively that what I was feeling was the result of the interplay between this force which WAS in union moving through me generating all this energy which I knew was alchemical since I was feeling my insides being stirred and old material being removed layer by layer. What I found curious, though, was how the stories served to describe it. I know these are merely stories, images to anchor the phenomenon in such a way that we can discuss it or serve as a model for understanding. I knew without a doubt that what I was feeling was the result of something that had merged in my being. It was as if two wires representing two ends of a larger cosmic circuit had been twisted together and I was quite suddenly feeling this force moving through me.
In the Hindu tradition, though, what I should have been feeling was the bliss OF Shakti as she was moving up. I knew this was not so. I wondered about this, and as I moved through this experience I realized that the conceptualization of Shakti in this way reflected more a cultural bias towards women. Of course Shakti would be the one doing all the work. Shiva sat on his pillows of velvet waiting for her to arrive. Perfect reflection of a paternalistic view of the world, and if you consider that through the vast time scale that the Hindus collected accounts of this phenomenon, it was mostly men who were in the ashrams doing the spiritual work and being lucky enough to awaken it, so certainly it would be told from a male perspective.
How this all is conceived is also based on your own bias, whether you are aware of it or not. Based on this bias, you also wind up with blinders for how it all goes down. If this seems inconsequential, consider that millions buy into this idea of how kundalini unfolds. Perception becomes experience. Experience heels to perception or belief. Once you change belief or perception, experience is free to open up in new and even unexpected ways. When we as human beings are able to think outside the box a little and ask the hard questions, we set ourselves up for that moment of inspiration that leads to new forms, like how artists create whole new styles or methods for communicating. In the case of kundalini, its very simple.
Why this little point is important is that your experience goes where your awareness is. Look at how long some cultures have managed to sideline the feminine as an important aspect in divinity. Christianity is a perfect example. She has been so sidelined, that she is now an utter mystery to most people. She is a ghost. The history on the Holy Ghost is an interesting one, and if you do the research into old texts, you begin to see evidence for the disciples at least, being aware that the Holy Ghost was the feminine side of God. This is why Philip in his gospel explains how people who say Mary conceived from the Holy Ghost are in error, for a woman never conceived from a woman. This was because it was known in most circles that the Holy Ghost was female. Of course, if you are going to tell a conception story, it ought to at least involve the father coming to Mary. With the institutionalization of Christianity by about 320 A.D., the place of women had been entirely sidelined. So now what most people pray to is God the father. There is no outlet for the feminine on par with God the father. Even so, though, the truth does seek to crop up since this is not just a notion or opinion but something that is based in a spiritual reality, just as kundalini or awakening is. When you change the story, you change your experience.
Now, so awakening is moving through you and you choose to consider that what you feel at the very start is the union from day one. How does this change how you see all of this? Subtle sometimes, but with wide ripples of awareness. You already HAVE this union IN you. The challenges that stand before you in awakening have more to do with how YOU as an earthbound being can learn to integrate this union into your being, both body and soul. You are now free to use the union taking place every moment to understand why it is you might be NOT feeling it in a given moment. Why is that? Is it possible that your own earthly awareness is somehow focused in a place or in a way that is not facilitating its presence somehow? And what might this be? Are you maybe focused in ego, or are you allowing yourself to feel very hard feelings that serve as a wet blanket on the energy so it subsides in your awareness? In going at it this way, you are free to begin using kundalini as union in helping your individual self to come to grips with an increasing unfolding. Here, like Shakti rising to the crown, you learn how to raise the vibration of the energy through the various centers in your energy body, most notably the chakras. one by one they open and unfold, and channel this energy, bringing different qualities of the energy into your focus and awareness. Then, symbolically, you merge YOURSELF with what has always ben there in you from day one of the awakening. This becomes a way to more productively utilize your awareness in your own awakening. If you rely on Shakti getting to the crown as the pentultimate form of union, you may miss a subtle and very helpful point. She is in union with him, and now you learn to work with the energy…
This becomes an important distinction also in helping to shift how you see the experience. Some people warn of kundalini as being like a syndrome of horrors, even a kind of disease. Yes, it can be dibilitating, but is this because of the kundalini, or is it because of where you are? If you are open to its being your individual self, you can shine your awareness and intent upon it and begin doing the work in a direction that is more efficient and practical since its not involved in trying to shift the responsbility for how you feel onto the energy. Here, in the midst of your kundalini struggles, you remind yourself each and every day that something in you must shift. As you attempt to do so, you find things that work because you are now looking for them. You are now aware that they might indeed exist. Its curious how people who begin looking for, say, a car, suddenly wind up seeing that car all over the place. But its less that there are suddenly more cars of the type you have been considering to buy than it is that your awareness has suddenly been put into that direction or focus. You see? Realizing this can mean that you stop beating your head against the wall and being looking and asking new questions.
When we get some of this straight, it can lead to new breakthroughs in the experience. If you get caught up in conceptualizations that have some kind of limiting nature to them, you also limit yourself and your experience.
At a certain point in the development of technique in European painting, artists started playing around with putting dabs of color on the canvas, something that before had been done more with strokes. Suddenly instead of just a few dabs here and there, artists tried making the painting as ALL dabs. “Why not?” someone had to ask themselves, and boldly went for it. Questioning how things have been done before can lead to these breakthroughs, and in just this way Impressionism developed as a way to model reality with paint that shimmered and expressed light effects that had not been possible. By thinking differently, the forms themselves changed. In a similar kind of way, by changing the story to one that is closer to what actually happens, you reside closer to the phenomenon and can then ask new questions based on the experience that this will naturally drive.
When you reach this place, you can have breakthroughs where you realize that its your ego blocking all of this. Before this realization, though, you wonder why on earth all of this is damned hard. Ah, ego! Eureka! Then the question becomes “how do I shift ego in my being?” Maybe you have no earthly idea how that is done, but in keeping yourself focused, the way naturally emerges. Maybe, with a renewed sense of awareness, you simply look up what people have said about ego and enlightenment. You read through all sorts of material until you find something that rings a bell for you or that speaks to your own experience. As time goes by you find things that work. You are miles away from the self you were that was banging its head against the wall. You pay attention more to those moments when kundalini is pouring through you as opposed to those times when its less intense. What is different, you ask, realizing that now its not the energy doing this, but your OWN focus. If its my own focus, you ask, then what is it I am doing differently? I have seen real aha moments when these kinds of questions are asked. Gradually you learn how to achieve the balance necessary to be like a surfer who has perfect balance and can ride the wave by not leaning to heavily into one focus of awareness or the other. Here, you ride the wave, you learn by doing. Like a child learning to walk, you teach yourself by realizing slowly at first what does and does not work. Then, in time, you just get the hang of it.
When you make these small conceptual shifts, it can result in big gains in your own experience. Then what was a struggle is lessened. Your path becomes easier. So call me a pedant, but these are the things that can help move this whole things forward.
Nemasté
